What is your knee-jerk reaction to it? From there, the conversation may be less heated. There are many different causes of anger and it's different for everyone.
It was updated on June 10, The first step is to become aware of how the other person is making you feel so that you can have an honest conversation with them about it, Ostrovsky says. Updated: June 10, Many of us spend our lives trying to avoid making people upset.
It's important to be aware of these biases so that you don't fall prey to them when someone's angry with you, Ostrovsky says. But anger is a secondary emotion.
I have no problem voicing my concerns with an assertive — and sometimes borderline aggressive — tone. If your first reaction is that they're rude, for example, that indicates that you believe expressing anger in general is rude, which may affect how you relate to your own anger.
Many people's knee-jerk reaction is to go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Lissed example, you may think that the other person's full of it but want to form a deeper relationship with them. You might find it hard to explain why you feel this way but talking to someone could help you find a solution. Consider the repetition of the advice 'play nicely with your friends.
One way to do that is to go through the three things you've just considered. If you start to get angry, though, pause for a minute.
Relationships How to tell a friend they've upset you without making things awkward Addressing conflict with a friend can feel aggressive or uncomfortable. If talo have time alone before you respond to the person mad at you, you could even take the time to write down what you want to say, psychotherapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSWtells Bustle. In general, reacting in anger typically will make things worse. Really try to see their perspective, even if you don't agree with it.
It's important to be very specific and address only one incident at a time so that your friend has clarity. This article was originally published on March 2, Your reactions to others' anger can tell you a lot about your own beliefs, Ostrovsky says.
Or maybe your friend keeps doing this over and over again. If this happens, it might tell you that you tend to avoid confrontation and tiptoe around other people. Was it something that was done? As tempting as it is to hide behind technology, bring up your concerns in person — it cuts down on the amount a friend has to infer from somsone words and reduces miscommunication.
State Your Biases, Reaction, And Intention Out Loud Fotolia We're taught to get defensive and keep our feelings to ourselves during a confrontation, but Ostrovsky recommends telling the other beed all the conflicting things you're thinking and feeling. If your friend was gossiping about you, perhaps you feel hurt. You can contact organisations such as:.
If you at all feel unsafe, get out of the situation.
Own Your Biases Most of pisser have pre-existing beliefs about anger. We may bend to their every will just to avoid a confrontation. What are your biases about rain? The problem with this is, when we'll do anything just to keep other people happy, they can control us. Ask Questions Remember, this is a learning opportunity, so stay as curious as possible.
Related Saying goodbye How to cope when a friend breaks up with you Elena Jackson, a d professional counselor and a d mental health counselor, says that people usually have a long history of pain related to friendships. If they're mad about something you said, for example, you might ask what about it bothered them or whether they felt it was intentional, Ostrovsky says. We also miss out on the genuine connection that comes from hearing people's anger, NYC-based psychotherapist and entrepreneur Lilian Ostrovskytells Bustle.
This is a window moment with this person,'" she says.